It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
