if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
