just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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