i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
