I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
