i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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