Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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