Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
