if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
