why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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