Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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