I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
