I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
