He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
