Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
