it hurts more in the daytime
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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