i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My life is pants optional.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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