This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
