She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
