good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
