we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
