sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
