He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
