My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
