her vagine was all disorganized.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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