I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
