I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
