Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
