GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
