He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Are my feet made of real feet?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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