He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
