Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
