seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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