I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
