(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
