here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
