thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Too much gin, very little bucket
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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