so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
