i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
