Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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