Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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