buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
