I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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