so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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