I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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