i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
