I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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