Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
