I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My ass is underappreciated
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
