he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize