I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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