Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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