I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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