dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
