I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
