You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize