Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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