id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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