Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize