I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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