I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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