I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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