He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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