dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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