Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sobbing to NWA
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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