I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's just like the Real World with babies
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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