Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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