I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
