is your mom at the bar?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
