My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
