you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
