Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
