before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
