Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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