So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
