stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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